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Affair Recovery



Finding out about betrayal and recovering from an affair is among the hardest things you’ll ever experience. The very foundation of your relationship, that you committed to be involved with only each other, is shaken. You begin to question who your spouse really is.


Even though the foundation of your relationship has been shaken, it can be transformed into a new beginning where the relationship becomes even stronger than ever before. Affairs force couples to build a new foundation, address issues they have been avoiding, and stimulate growth not seen before.


In the physical world, when there’s a serious accident involving major injuries, people move quickly and decisively to stop the bleeding, set the broken bones, and begin the road to recovery. The same should be true in the emotional and relational world. When serious injury occurs intervention should be immediate and effective. There are few things that wound a relationship more seriously than infidelity. When it occurs there should be a response that meets the injury immediately.

Divine Therapy, LLC has the kind of response to infidelity that can stop the bleeding, set the broken bones and put you on the road to recovery whether that means staying together or going separate ways. I offer weekly sessions, however, many people find that a 4-hour block of sessions is more helpful right after finding out about a betrayal. I meet with the couple 1 hour each, and 2 hours together. These meetings are focused on stabilizing the situation and charting a course for the next few days and weeks. Then weekly meetings are needed to fully address any concerns or issues that remain unresolved. The primary goal is to stabilize your relationship so that you have the greatest chance for success. It’s a very complicated, intricate situation. Some people think it’s very simple. But I know it isn’t.

In Affair Recovery, some of the things we cover in the weekly sessions are:

  • Verification and transparency
  • Normal reactions of each partner
  • How to manage painful emotions
  • Regaining trust
  • How did we get here?
  • How do we keep it from happening again?
  • Identifying warning signs that an affair might happen again.
  • The role of forgiveness
  • New conflict management skills
  • Listening
  • Reconnecting
  • How to move forward
  • Maintaining a healthy relationship

During couples therapy, we will explore factors that contributed to the affair. Emotional disconnection, compulsive sexual behavior (a.k.a. sexual addiction), pornography use, substance abuse, and excessive flirting are some of the issues which may be discussed. Both you and your partner will have a safe space to express your feelings, fears, and expectations about intimacy and sex. Our goal is to heal the damage caused by the affair, to rebuild trust and safety in the relationship, and to strengthen your bond against future emotional or sexual betrayal.

AND by the way, there are common responses people have after learning of a betrayal. It can make you feel crazy. The reactions are similar to those of PTSD because this is a relationship trauma. The hurt partner often second guesses themselves and their spouse. They experience extreme sensitivity, triggers, watchfulness, nightmares, emotional numbing alternating with emotional explosions, disturbed sleep, etc. It is difficult to trust anyone. They may be imagining the act of betrayal, visualizing it in their mind. This is a normal response to the betrayal, one that many people experience. I get it. And I will walk with you on the path to recovery- I know where we are going and how to get there.

Many couples overcome infidelity, you just don’t hear as much about it because they keep it to themselves, unlike a breakup or divorce. Therapy is the right place to air emotions over infidelity and recommit to each other. When trust has been broken, the relationship needs the help of a professional who can maintain objectivity while identifying core issues such as: intimacy, acceptance, and emotional safety. I have a map I use to aid couples in healing. The average person on the street doesn’t know how to repair a broken relationship. However, with therapy, couples can work through the injury, deal with the emotional and trust issues, and reconnect to a greater intimacy and stronger relationship. The broken relationship is DEFINITELY repairable.

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